He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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