dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
