EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
