There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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