i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They are going to name an STD after you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
