Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
