I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
