what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
