so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
