dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
