my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
