yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
