You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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