he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
