he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
