Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
