Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
