You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
