im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
