white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
