I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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