shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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