i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
