I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
