My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
