Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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