Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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