Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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