my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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