so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
