I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she woke up with a sticky ear
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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