Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read