Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.