Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."