It's Friday. Sex?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.