is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
