I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
