I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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