why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
