Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
