my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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