You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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