I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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