the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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