dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
