Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
