When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
two words...techno handjob
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
