so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
