Are we in a gay sports bar?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
