you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
