My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
