Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
