Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
