Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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