There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When did angry sex become our thing?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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