I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
