The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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