you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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