a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
