OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
