I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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