You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
