so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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