According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
