my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
