Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
