I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
