he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
