im about as happy as oj after his trial
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
