My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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