so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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