I am puke
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
