So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
