A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
