If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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