and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
