I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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