entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
