I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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